Breaking the Perfectionist Trap: Why Process Matters More Than Outcomes

I'm currently taking Russ Harris's course on using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy for people-pleasing and perfectionism, and one insight has completely shifted my perspective.

The Problem: Perfectionists get trapped focusing solely on outcomes. We only feel relief when tasks are "done" meaning we experience little to no joy during the actual work. This makes starting anything feel overwhelming because we're already dreading the grueling journey ahead.

Sound familiar?

The Solution: Learning to find meaning in the process itself.

Here are three game-changing techniques I'm practicing:

1. Mindfulness anchors: Simple practices like mindful eating or taking "beauty walks" where you actively notice what's beautiful around you. These train your brain to find pleasure in present moments.

2. Defusion techniques: When my inner critic starts up, I acknowledge it: "Thanks, mind, for trying to help, but I've got this." Then I redirect back to the task at hand. You can look up "ACE (Acknowledge, Connect, Engage)" or "Dropping Anchor" to learn more about this defusion technique.

3. Redefining success: Instead of "I'm only good when I achieve X," I'm shifting to "Success means living my values daily and showing up as the person I want to be."

True fulfillment comes from how we show up each day, not what we ultimately accomplish.